By Marianne Clyde
Many of us know we need to change something about ourselves, but it’s just so darn hard to get motivated.
Want to lose weight? Stop drinking? Get a new kind of client? Break into a higher level network? Start exercising? Make more money?
What’s stopping you?
Maybe it’s easier to think of it in terms of parenting. Which type of approach was more effective in helping your kids get motivated to change behavior? Was it the allure of a reward or the fear of consequences?
It may be that different kids respond differently to different approaches, as we all do. We are all so different, and the ways we think about things vary immensely. But we can control the way we think and feel about things. Yep, maybe it’s all in your mind.
Tony Robbins, motivational guru, says that people will do more to avoid pain than they will to pursue pleasure. But he also says that it depends on how you think about things.
If you value something highly, you will do more to achieve that and you will be willing to sacrifice to get it.
So when you are creating a goal, it’s important to really think about the WHY. Why do you want to lose weight? Why do you want to make more money? Why do you want to move into a different social circle.
Ask yourself some questions, after you ask yourself why. Ask what am I willing to overcome to achieve that? What must I sacrifice to get there? What happens if I DON’T achieve it?
What happens if you don’t make more money? I won’t be able to move out of this neighborhood.
Why is it important to you to move out of that neighborhood? It’s dangerous. My family is not safe.
What do you have to overcome in order to make the kind of money you want to make? I have to get over the fear of asking for a substantial raise. OR I have to create the time to take that extra certification class which might mean that you have to give up a certain appointment that you always have on Wednesday nights for a while.
So if you ask yourself questions that help you see the whole picture and feel the pain of staying where you are it is likely to keep you on course better. To just want more money is one thing, but you need to create within you the feeling that supports the motivation and it will help you stick with it.
Instead of seeing something (like having to take night classes) as punishment, you can begin to see it as a great way to achieve your result. So the night classes can become a reward in your mind.
That way the pain of giving up your weekly book club or rotary meeting for a while so that you can actually keep your family safer, it doesn’t feel like so much of a sacrifice anymore to get that certification that you need to get the the higher pay grade.
Asking questions is important. But you need to ask questions that lead to to positive results, not self-defeating questions like “why me?” It’s better to ask questions like “How can I? How can I benefit from this? How can I grow from this? How will my life be better by doing this?”
Then make your decision and stick with it to make the change you want.
Action Step: You know there’s a need for change in your life. So sit down with a piece of paper. Write what you want. Refer to some of the questions above to make your decision. They will help you stay on track. If you need help, send me an email. As an effective coach, I know how to ask the questions that get you the results you need. marianne@isntsheamazing.com
