By Marianne Clyde
As published on The Price of Business
Sometimes it’s easy to just shrink back and not say anything.
The opposition just seems so loud and intimidating. You really hate to face rejection or judgment, don’t you? Yeah. Me too.
But I’ve had several very specific opportunities recently to think about speaking up.
I’ve noticed that we, women, very often, would just rather not say anything than start a fight, or risk losing a friend. That’s very normal and part of our feminine make up. Remember back in fourth grade when the relationship was all important? More so than the rules of the game. Fourth grade boys, on the other hand would rather fight to the death about the rules. The game was more important than anything as silly as a relationship.
We are not so very far removed from that young girl. In fact, she’s still inside of us.
But it’s important to learn to speak up. You can certainly acknowledge the fear and concerns of that girl inside, but she’s going to be ok. Here’s why.
We underestimate our power. And we need to show that younger part of us how powerful we really are.
Just the other night we were with some friends. The woman questioned my motivation for something and I was a bit taken a-back. I answered her calmly but felt somewhat roiled up inside. “What gives her the right to question my motivation?” And I was offended and frankly pissed off.
Recently at a party a friend really railed against an organization that I believe in very strongly. She was pompously destroying their right to exist essentially. I just stood there for a moment and spoke about the good this organization had done in my life and in the lives of people that I loved. She looked at me with that “deer in the headlights” look, as if to say, “What the hell?”
These were just two recent examples of times when I spoke up but continued to feel kind of sick to my stomach.
And then it occurred to me. Why do I still respond as if I’m being attacked? Why do I assume that I should be ashamed of my opinion? Why don’t I begin to turn that all around and think of the profound impact that I can make by simply stating an alternate opinion? Any time I offer my opinion, or you offer yours, there’s at least as much chance that we might cause the other person to rethink their stance on something.
Often it’s the loudest, most offensive, most seemingly inflexible person, who is not sure at all what the real answer is, or what the better choice is. People respond strongly often because they are trying to convince themselves that they are right.
It kind of raises the similar question, “Why do we take advice from people who have never been where we are or where we are going?” OR Why are we afraid of the judgment of others? Why on earth would I care what someone else thinks especially when they are less sure of themselves than I am.
I am in a unique position to speak freely and openly about what I think and why. I have as much or more experience than many of the people I allow to upset me.
You do too. The world is so divided these days, people live and bounce from bullet point to bullet point with a very shallow frame of reference.
We should feel free to allow people to have their opinions, without feeling threatened from them.They are just trying to figure things out like the rest of us. And your opinion might just be the one that clarifies the issue for them. Just because they are loud, or appear sure of themselves doesn’t really mean much at all.
It could actually be a sign that we need to speak our thoughts and opinions more than ever. Calmly, and respectfully, not worrying what others think, but knowing that at least now they have been broadened or enlightened a bit with a different point of view which makes them think.
And that’s one thing that is sorely needed in our society these days. To think. To consider that we might need to see something differently.
Don’t hide your light under a basket. Let your light shine. Your light can get into crevices that others can’t penetrate. Go speak your mind.You might just change the world.
Action Step: The next time you feel intimidated by someone, take a deep breath, remind yourself the your opinion might just be the one that causes them to stop and think. Give yourself a moment to collect your thoughts, then speak your thoughts on the matter. You don’t have to be longwinded and eloquent. Just take a crack at it. And remind them that everyone has a right to an opinion. Could be that you are both right?
