Guest post by Pamela Bishop
What do you think about small courtesies? Do you appreciate a “please”, “thank you”, “excuse me”, or a “how can I help”? I appreciate these, as well as a smile, or when someone pauses in conversation to let me actually answer a question they have asked. These and many other small courtesies can help make life a little gentler and more enjoyable for everyone.
It’s easy to lose sight of the impact these can have on our relationships and on our lives.
Do you tend to let these slip away from your interactions? Sometimes I let others set the tone of the relationship. It takes effort for me to not be influenced by the way other people are showing up.
I have found, though, that small courtesies have the power to make an interaction more pleasant. I remind myself to slow down and tune into the kind of person I want to be in the world and show up that way. Even in our busy lives, we can make time for being polite and affirming of each other.
The first place I have to do this is with myself. I need to repeat that: the first relationship in which I need to display small courtesies is the one I have with myself! Do I extend small courtesies to myself? How do I speak to myself? What is my internal dialogue like?
We can be kind and gentle to ourselves which is a necessary component of showing up this way for others. The way we treat ourselves is training ground for our other relationships.
For example, I can thank my body for the way I can move around in the world. I can thank my mind for helping me develop ideas and achieve intellectual work. I can encourage myself by noticing when I need to take a breath and re-evaluate what is happening in order to take the next right step. I can really listen to what my body, brain, and soul are trying to tell me. I know I want to give the gift of really listening to my loved ones, but I have to start with listening to myself.
One small courtesy I have found to be very powerful in my life is noticing what brings me delight. Delight is a very personal thing. While gratitude is broader, delight includes a measure of surprise so often exists right in a moment of time. It’s important not to discount the little things that perk you up, influence your mood just a little, or make you pay attention to something. It could be a red cardinal that you notice, it could be your favorite tea, the leaves changing on the trees, or a specific flower, the smell of chili or peppermint, or the sound of a train whistle. Delight is personal to each of us. What delights you?
I delight in my first sip of coffee on my front porch listening to the birds sing, I delight in watching toddlers explore their world, I delight in my dog, in the sound of a running creek, and in slowing down for a squirrel crossing the road. I’ll ask you again; What do you delight in?
Take some time to write down, even in the notes section of your phone, what little surprises the universe sends you in the next few days.
Action step: Pay attention to how you talk to yourself and be more kind to the most important person in your life—YOU. Then allow yourself a little space to get to know you. Notice the little things that bring you delight. When does a small smile come to your face, or a chuckle come from within? Do you know how to begin to “get to know yourself”? Marianne has been helping people learn to recognize how they tick for over 30 years. You can schedule a check-in with her to get started.
